My boys are now six and ten. With sixteen years between them, they are ready to start taking some more responsibility for themselves and their surroundings. With that in mind, here are several zero-tolerance policies I’ve recently instituted:
- If I step on a stray Lego, and it’s not in one of the boys’ bedrooms, then it will find itself in a new home – in the garbage can.
- I will no longer tolerate complaints about the color or size of one’s cup and plate being somehow inferior to the color or size of one’s brother’s cup and plate.
- Wiping bottoms is a thing of the past. Only if a child has stomach flu does he need my help in cleaning up poop.
- Both boys know where we keep rolls of toilet paper. Both also know how to change a roll. Ergo: both will be handling that chore on their own — forthwith.
- If they’ve missed the toilet bowl (yet again), and there’s pee on the floor or the side of the tub, they know where to find both paper towels and spray cleaner.
- Gone are the days when I’ll help one of my sons look for a treasured lost toy only to find it sitting in plain view on his desk.
- If the boys whine about what’s for dinner, they will find themselves in their own rooms whining to the walls, and hungry to boot.
- If I am on the phone, they may talk over me only if the house is burning down. Or there are copious quantities of blood involved.
I’m taking a stand.
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Do you have policies of your own you’d like to add to this list? Will you share them? I must say that seeing my own policies laid out so firmly and boldly – who am I kidding, laid out at all! – is seriously empowering. I may have to print this list and tape it to my children’s bedroom doors. Oh, will they ever love that…
[tags]kids, children, parents, parenting, organization, zero tolerance, rules, legos, missing toys, complaints, politeness, telephone[/tags]
Photo graciously provided by eshm, through a Creative Commons license, some rights reserved
20 responses so far ↓
Emily // Feb 14, 2008 at 10:10 am
Whining for more TV means no TV.
karen // Feb 14, 2008 at 10:15 am
My boys are seven and nine. If it is your chore to set the table for dinner and you do not do your chore, you do not eat dinner.
Stu Mark // Feb 14, 2008 at 10:58 am
First, I hear ya. Me, I bust shoes (a Jersey expression) about whining or crying to get what you want. I inject humor, but I don’t let it slide either. If there’s blood or bruising or hurt feelings, fine, but crying doesn’t apply to a glass of chocolate milk or whatever.
Second, the lego thing. How about a lego jail instead? Just an opinion.
Third, I used to keep a private jar (private between me and the child). In the jar I would put a piece of paper that had a note on it for every time they weren’t cool. So if they rolled their eyes at me when I asked them to empty the dryer after I washed the clothes, a note went into the jar. Then, the next time they asked me for something special, I’d pull out the jar and show it to them. Worked pretty well, without being aggressive.
Heather // Feb 14, 2008 at 11:10 am
I hear you! I’ve set up similar ultimatums, but I always cave.
If I have to pick up the toys, they go away for a few days (sometimes weeks because I forget to give them back).
If they fight over a toy, no one gets to play with it for a few days (or again, possibly weeks).
If my kids are just fighting with each other in general…they can’t play together at all (which is torture for them for some reason).
I like Stu’s jar idea…it might work with my 5 1/2 year old, but not for my 3 1/2 year old.
Mizmell // Feb 14, 2008 at 11:13 am
Kids need rules. And parents need to establish boundaries. Your list seems reasonable and provides each boy a little accountability and an opportunity for independence.
Waiting Amy // Feb 14, 2008 at 11:51 am
Ah, the butt wiping. I fear I inspired you on that one. But, alas, I’m caving already. I guess I’m really “weaning” the butt wiping. But he does seem to be making a little bit more of an effort. Perhaps I will give him a deadline?
Beck // Feb 14, 2008 at 1:13 pm
Butt wiping is each individual’s soul responsibility after three in this house. We need to get WAY more serious about whining, since right now we appear to have raised some Champion Whiners.
AmyL // Feb 14, 2008 at 3:13 pm
I’ve found that if they wait too long for bathroom assistance they tend to get sick of it and wipe themselves. [evil grin]. Love love love the list. I like the Lego jail thing too, just from a financial standpoint. Another alternative is for them to pay you for your time, or have an outside person come in and clean, then make the kids pay him/her for the time. I made mine pay for a tutor once when they wouldn’t cooperate on schoolwork. It. Was. Awesome.
McSwain // Feb 14, 2008 at 5:43 pm
Two very important things from my 8-yr-old’s list. #1–When finished eating, carry your own dishes to the kitchen, rinse, and stack. If you want to keep eating in my house.
#2– When Mommy’s in the bathroom, you don’t come talk to her through the door. Unless the house is burning down or there are copious amounts of blood. At least he doesn’t try to stick his hand under the door any more.
Stu Mark // Feb 14, 2008 at 6:05 pm
AmyL, yeah, there’s the financial aspect of Lego jail, but also, I’m a big fan of “the punishment should fit the crime.” So Lego jail seems more appropriate a punishment for “I forgot to put away my legos and caused someone pain because they stepped on it with a bare foot.”
And to Slouch, what a great conversation starter. A great list and a great concept. Thanks!
Maddy // Feb 14, 2008 at 6:59 pm
Hmmm indeed. In an effort to reduce the endless questions, I posted a weekly list of what was for supper, prominently on the fridge door.
I learned a valuable lesson, that provision of advanced information in the form of a menu was inversely proportional to the pain of more whining fodder!
Cheers
edj // Feb 14, 2008 at 7:26 pm
We are rich in this world; we have toys and games and books galore. Therefore, if you are bored, you must need more to do. Anyone who utters the word “bored” gets assigned an extra chore–and not just dishes or sweeping, but something a bit deeper.
It actually worked, I must say.
anna // Feb 14, 2008 at 10:26 pm
I am STILL working on them not talking to me while I’m on the phone. Sigh.
Megin Hatch // Feb 15, 2008 at 6:26 am
I *love* you.
One of our favorite saying that combats the color/flavor thing is: you get what you get and you don’t get upset. Forks and plates are not worth crying over. Orange Popsicles are as tasty as green. You may have it or not, but you may not whine about it.
And more about whining- if X (enter activity of your choice) makes you whiny then no X.
At 6,8, and 3 my kids need chores posted. No- responsibilities posted. We’re all responsible for running this house.
Thanks for the inspiration. They will be better little people for having guidelines.
All Adither // Feb 15, 2008 at 8:09 am
These are good. It’s a luxury to know, from someone I suspect to be a great mom, what to expect. Thanks.
Tootsie Farklepants // Feb 15, 2008 at 11:52 pm
Fighting over a toy means no toy for anybody.
jacobanddanielsmom // Feb 21, 2008 at 3:15 am
My boys are 5 and 7. I absolutely do not tolerate disrespect. You call a name, you take something not belonging to you, giving me lip….its automatically a bad day for you. No toys, no games, no desserts, no TV, no going to friends houses….nothing fun. We have different consequences for other infractions. But that is my biggie. Our rules are posted and so is the consequences. Chores are posted and so are rewards for completing them. Everyone knows what is expected of them.
JanB // Feb 21, 2008 at 3:23 pm
Here’s mine. I don’t spank, but if they really tick me off, I get a garbage bag and start putting toys in it. Then I take the bag up into the attic. They have to earn the toys back and there’s no telling when I will feel like giving them back.
If they leave out a book bag where I am going to bang my toe on 40 lbs of books (this for my teens) I will hide it. The dryer is my favorite hiding place.
Melissa // Mar 6, 2008 at 7:14 am
I instituted the Lego to trash rule a year ago, and have also applied it to any other similar toy such as K’nex, hotwheels, action figures, and so on. Results are good!
JanB’s idea of taking the toys to the attic has worked in our home, and I have noticed an interesting side effect: the children forget the toys after a day or two. If they don’t ask for them to be returned with in a month, the entire bag goes into the trash, sight unseen.
From this I have learned a valuable lesson about conspicuous consumption on the childhood level, and that they don’t really need or even want all those toys, after they’ve been purchased. They seem to have learned the concept of ‘retail therapy’ too young.
Trudi // Mar 22, 2008 at 8:37 am
Melissa - why not donate that forgotten bag of toys to kids who don’t have very much due to circumstances or to Goodwill? Just throwing out perfectly serviceable toys is a real shame!
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