Grasshopper New Media Presents...

I‘ve spent a few days last week traveling for work.

And I loved it.

I absolutely loved it.

Before kids, I didn’t much care. It usually just meant more work - since I’d end up with projects from the traveling, and then the inevitable backlog from being out of pocket for a few days.

But after having kids, you begin to appreciate the simpler, subtler things in life. Like peeing by yourself. Reading an entire chapter all at once. Watching what you want on TV. Going out without worrying about what’s going on at home, since you can’t possible get there anyway. Actually eating what you made for yourself instead of what your kids leave you wet and soggy in ketchup on their little plastic plates.

On my last night in Nashville, I went out to dinner with some friends, and then we hung out at their house for awhile, watching TV and generally being our goofy selves, as we often are when we’re actually around each other. I laughed, I told jokes, I was completely comfortable around a group of adults for the first time in a long time. I felt that I had pulled the old me out of a pocket, and let her dance around for awhile. For once in a long time, I didn’t feel crazy and quiet.

It is such an incredible feeling just being with people, especially people who get you. Sitting there and not having somewhere to go, not having someone to clean up after, or watch your mouth around. Just talking like an adult, being on the same wavelength of a group of people who find the same things funny. And the knowledge that right then, I could just enjoy it and not worry about whether or not Vivian was crying and whining or Rosalyn wouldn’t stay in bed… frankly, this stunned me..

I didn’t anticipate this feeling of freedom. I thought I’d be uncomfortable and awkward, as I usually am around people. But I forgot the simplicity of being around people who just get it, who laugh at the same jokes, who can finish your sentences, who are plotting the same bad jokes or pranks in their head as you are.

You lose this as a parent. That freedom of thought and movement. The ability to just not worry and live the day. I’m often asked if I miss my kids when I’m away and I really don’t. This answer never fails to freak people out.

But why should I miss them? 3 or 4 days isn’t long. I can talk to them on the phone. I know where they are. However, I enjoy every second of alone time I can get, even if it’s just staying up late because I know I won’t be quite as tired since I won’t be dealing with the kids the next day. I savour those seconds spent staring at the wall in the bathroom, alone with my own thoughts, even if those thoughts are nothing more profound than “Wow. That wallpaper is totally ugly.”

I really don’t miss them. I’m glad as hell to see them when I get home, but aside from finding something cool at Target, I don’t focus on them much at all. I think of and miss my husband more if anything. But I need this time to regroup and just be me, a singular entity without the baggage of children and marriage and real life hanging over my head.

I wouldn’t want to go back to before kids. My friends are currently childless, and while part of my envies their freedom, their disposable income, I also realize how bored I would be just living that same life day in and day out. My children have taught me so much, being a mother has taught me so many things about myself I would have never anticipated - I wouldn’t want to lose that.

But man, it is some nice to walk down the street on a sunny Sunday afternoon and feel 22 again, the wind in my hair as I go to get dinner that only I will eat.

It’s nice to take the long way back, just because you want to sometimes.

[tags]parenting, kids, children, getting away, grown-up time, alone, relaxation[/tags]
Photo graciously provided by puja, through a Creative Commons license, some rights reserved