Grasshopper New Media Presents...

Let Them Help

You are probably wondering by now what kind of sticker chart I use. I promised to show you how I teach my kids to work didn’t I? How do I bribe them to do what I want? How do I reward them when they do it? How do I punish them when they don’t? I don’t.

My two year old had her first exam and cleaning at the dentist a couple weeks ago. They asked me if she sucked her thumb and I said yes. “She needs to stop sucking her thumb,” the assistant told me. “So how do you recommend I get her to stop sucking her thumb,” I asked? “Just have her stop,” she replied. Really? Just have her stop? That sounds like wonderful advice from a 20 year old college student who has never had children! But basically I am going to tell you the same thing. “How do I get my kids to help more with chores,” you ask? “Just let them help,” is my answer. Doesn’t that sound simple? It is simple but it is also very, very difficult.

If sticker charts worked, then wouldn’t you already be using one? You have probably tried them and found out that they are just one more chore to keep up with. So what does work? When I first began my quest to get the kids doing more chores we tried many different systems, but the last six months we seem to have settled into a routine and here is how I did it:

I began by dividing my house in half. My two kids were each in charge of keeping their part of the house picked up every day and they rotated every week. It only took a few weeks for them to figure out that they each had their favorite area, so we had a Cleaning Counsel to devise a new plan. They agreed that my nine year-old son would be in charge of the front half and my seven year-old daughter would be in charge of the back half, indefinitely. This worked pretty well, but my daughter was still struggling to get all her jobs done every day.

I decided to have a separate talk with my nine year-old. I explained that his jobs were easier for him because he was older. I asked if there were some jobs of his sister’s that he would be willing to take upon himself to help her. He agreed that he was a faster cleaner than her, and he happily volunteered to clean all of her areas for her, except one. I was surprised by his generosity toward his little sister, who delights in being such a pain to him!

The best way to get your kids involved with chores is to get them involved with the decision making. You are always there to teach and to guide but make it their responsibility to figure out the best way for them to get their jobs done. If someone at my house is unhappy with a job, then we will have a Cleaning Counsel to discuss it.

A couple months ago I was unhappy about how the vacuuming was or wasn’t getting done. Every day my daughter whined and complained about vacuuming, which made my head ache. My son didn’t complain but he would only vacuum the middle of each room no matter how many times I showed him how to vacuum the whole room. We sat down together and I said, “I can see that neither of you likes to vacuum. I don’t mind vacuuming for you but you have to do one of my jobs for me so I will have time for it.” My son decided that he would clean out the car every day and vacuum it once a week and my daughter decided she would do one load of laundry every day. I was completely shocked! Vacuuming sounds much easier than any of these jobs but I guess it wasn’t to them! This job exchange is working for everyone because it is something we all decided on together.

Sometimes there will be a job exchange that doesn’t work, so we go back to the way we were doing it before, or we think of a new system. Whatever we do, we always talk about and plan it together. This gives the kids ownership of their work and prevents the daily fights about who is doing what job.

Families were designed to help and serve each other, not just Mother serving everyone else. I want you to sit down with your family this week. Explain how important they all are and how much you need them. Ask them what they can do to help the household run more efficiently so that everyone has more time to spend on their favorite projects and activities.

Children need to learn to do real work that benefits the family so they will be prepared to go out and serve society. I believe children want this. They want to feel like they are a part of something greater than themselves. They want to feel like they have something worth contributing. All I have to say to my 9 year old is, “I really need your help with something son,” and he will reply, “What can I do for you Mom?”

“How do I get my kids to help more with chores,” you ask? “Just let them help,” is my answer.

Learn more about teaching children to problem solve in How To Talk So Kids Can Learn by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish.

Read more next week from my continuing series Teach Your Kids To Work.

[tags]parenting, kids, clean, housework, help[/tags]
Photo graciously provided by solcookie, used under a Creative Commons License.