Last week I described my much anticipated “girls night away.” Let me start by saying it was wonderful to get away and be with friends. I came home deeply thankful for the women I call friends.
My post last week sparked a few people to share what they do, and a few people to share that they want to connect with other women, but haven’t. It’s so interesting to think of what opportunities women have to connect with others once they have completed schooling, and particularly if they stay home with their kids.
Here are a few suggestions to get out there moving and shaking with potential friends:
1. Head to the library. Story times are a great time to be around other parents. Most libraries split their story times by age, so your kid can be with others her own age and you know that you (at least) you have that in common with the other parents.
2. Join a playgroup. I would suggest looking for an existing playgroup by using Craig’s list, or any of the other play group directories available on the web.
3. Start a playgroup. Utilize the same resources above, also advertise on playgrounds and libraries. Plan your meetings for either the library or the playground or another public place (for obvious reasons).
4. Join a class: music, movement, art, swimming, yoga, puppetry, whatever interests you. I have found my local recreation department offers very reasonably priced classes very close by.
5. Visit local kid friendly places: the playground, the beach, the petting zoo, the children’s museum, the science museum, the aquarium, heck, even malls are a really popular popular wintertime hang out!
6. Look for opportunities. Notice the mom who’s often at the market when you are, the dad who rides his bike past your house with his son in a toddler seat, and the family at church. Be observant, notice where you run into other parents and families.
Regardless of where you are, it is imperative that you come out of your shell and engage other parents. It’s more like dating than I care to admit. Thankfully, having kids as buffers makes it easier to put yourself out there, and being with kids offers a lot of very simple conversation starters:
- How old is she?
- What’s his name?
- Do you have other children?
- Those boots are adorable.
- Do you usually come here on Tuesdays?
- What’s your sign? (joking)
In the early stages this process is about generating and sustaining conversations. It is easy and low commitment to continue “bumping into each other” where you are (playground or library). Once you get to know these folks more, you’ll like some and you’ll dislike some, and perhaps one or two will stand out as having true girlfriend potential. Then what?
Coming up soon: How do I combat the dating woes? Should I call her? What if she’s not that into me? Does my ass look fat in these sweatpants?
[tags]mom-friends, connecting with other moms, mom’s night out, girl’s night out, parenting, friendship. meeting other moms[/tags]
Thanks to mattmariebache for the use of the beautiful baby photo, used under a Creative Commons License.
5 responses so far ↓
Chris // Apr 4, 2007 at 12:17 pm
Great post, Megin. Your ass looks fine!
I started a playgroup when I couldn’t find an existing group where I felt like I fit in. I tend to read a book before beginning any new venture and found A Stay-at-Home Mom’s Complete Guide to Playgroups by Carren W. Joye pretty helpful. She has a useful web site, too: http://www.onlineplaygroup.com.
Megin Hatch // Apr 4, 2007 at 12:37 pm
Thanks, Chris. I just bought these jeans for $9 at the Gap outlet last weekend!
Share: what challenges, what successes, did playgroup lead to any girlfriends?
Colleen // Apr 4, 2007 at 1:25 pm
Megin – I read your last mommy girls night article and really loved it. I could relate to it. I have many mommy friends that make my life so much more enjoyable. Many of my neighbors are great and we try to get together once a month. I also walk with another mom and loved your walker stalker comment. I felt like I would reply to this one in hopes some people could benefit from what I have learned over the years.
When I moved back to my hometown three years ago, I realized that my old friends were still childless and working… I was in a totally different page in my life and I needed someone who could relate better to what I was going through. So, I started a playgroup with moms I met at story time at the library. I kinda hand choose the moms and then asked them if they would like to be part of a on-going playgroup. They all said yes. We have been going strong for three years now and I think of these women as some of my best friends. We have a common parenting style and all get along very well. We meet weekly and take turns meeting at each others homes. There are seven moms in the group. We even try to get together once a month w/o the kiddos for happy hour.
I have been a mom for four years now and I know I couldn’t have made it through the mommy days with out my mom friends.
I wanted to mention looking into a National Organization such as Mothers and More. Most have chapters in your area and meet at least once a month. I have met many great moms through my M&M group. Many of the groups have playgroups, book clubs, and mom’s activities. You can visit the website at:
http://www.mothersandmore.org/localchap/chapters.shtml - Check it out and see if there is a chapter in your area.
Also, if you go onto yahoo groups and do a search you may find a mom group through there that is local to you. http://groups.yahoo.com/
I am the kind of mom that likes to keep busy with the kids and these types of groups help me do that.
manicmama // Apr 4, 2007 at 1:56 pm
Good post! I remember it being tough when I had my first baby to get into the habit of meeting others. Going to the weekly weighing in with the Health Visitor was always a good place to meet people. Also, in the UK there are One O’Clock clubs all over the place which are free places for kids aged 0-5 where you can just hang out for free.
Chris // Apr 4, 2007 at 2:32 pm
Challenge of playgroup organizing: being the go-between when one mom’s parenting style is not like most of the others. We had a mom with a “kids will be kids” attitude and an aggressive little boy. I very much wanted to make everyone feel welcome, but looking back, I wonder if it would have been better to suggest that the moms with issues speak directly to the mom with the aggressive kid, instead being Madame Ambassador trying to keep everybody happy. Eventually she left the group, so I guess I wasn’t such a great diplomat anyway.
Successes: we’ve spun off a Monday night knitting group from the playgroup. That group draws moms that aren’t in the playgroup as well, and we’ve all made new friends by bringing in “new blood”. Another couple moms and I started an at-home preschool co-op last fall, which we hope to expand next fall.
Friends: I’ve become especially close to two other moms in our playgroup and we’ve now begun what we call “tribe days,” in which we take turns going to one another’s houses, helping with childcare, gardening, housework, or just hanging out. We were inspired by this article in Mothering (http://www.mothering.com/articles/body_soul/inspiration/feed_soul_feed_kids.html). We also all get together with our kids and husbands for dinners, birthday parties, and outings to festivals.
One point about this is that we have been creating community quite intentionally. We all want our kids to grow up knowing each other and since we don’t have extended family nearby, want to be “aunties and uncles” to one another’s kids, so that they have trusted adults to turn to when the day comes (and we know it will) that they don’t want to turn to Mom or Dad.
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