I offer you two truths: I am a good Mom. I am a lousy housekeeper.
I am a good Mom. I am good with greater frequency then I am not. I lose my temper and say the wrong things and jump in when I ought to sit back. But often I listen and am patient and kind and loving. There are even moments when, despite the thunderous echoes of arguments and whining, I am not even tempted to sell the Punks on eBay.
I am a lousy housekeeper. I am lousy with greater frequency then I am not. I cook dinner and wipe counters and wash a lot of clothes. But often I leave the folded laundry and the sweeping and the stacks and the dust for longer than I ought. There are even moments when I look at the detritus creeping in upon us and shut the light off and walk away.
Please understand that with every memory of who I’ve ever been, I know that my priorities are straight. I know that tending to the healthy minds, spirits, and bodies of my Punks is the reason I am here.
For the first 4 years of mothering I drove to an office every day. And every day I wanted to be home. When we finally created this life that allowed me to be with my kids full time, I was adamant that my job description began and ended with one task: tending my children. It had nothing to do with Lysol or Easy-Off. Then somehow this job became my career. It’s still about being a Mom. It’s still about trying to be a better Mom. But now I confess that my mothering successes occur more frequently when I am being a less lousy housekeeper. I hate to admit that it’s about the house. I don’t want it to be.There are nights when I toss in my bed wishing I was more successful in my chosen career. At the risk of being smacked in the head by my former self, as well as by you, I’ll identify that career as a homemaker. There. I said it. I’m a homemaker.
-
The woods are lovely, dark and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.
– Robert Frost
by Megin Hatch
[tags]kids, children, SAHM, stay at home mom, mother, mothering, parenting, homemaker, homemaking, housekeeping, priorities[/tags]
Photo graciously provided by Gayle N, through a Creative Commons license, some rights reserved
11 responses so far ↓
IntheFastLane // Feb 6, 2008 at 11:55 am
My home life defines me way more that my work life every will. Work, although frustrating, is way more easy than my role as a homemaker. And it is my role at home that challenges me and drives me to be a better person.
Stu Mark // Feb 6, 2008 at 3:06 pm
As a SAHD, I refer to myself as a housewife. Man and Woman are terms that refer to sex, but Husband and Wife have no implicit sexual orientation. And I like the look I get when people hear me apply the label of Housewife. And that’s what I am - I do the laundry, the dishes, the cooking, the tutoring, the refereeing, the educating, the counseling, the leading, etc.
That said, I hear you about the housework. It never stops, and it’s not the most entertaining of tasks. And if I could, I’d wave a magic wand and my kids would become instantly awesome about helping out around the house. And while I was at it, I’d wave my wand and my wife would work less then her normal 60+ hours a week. Oh, and I’d dip one more time in the magic wand well, except it would be for a size 30 waist.
pooja // Feb 7, 2008 at 2:00 am
hi,
nice post….thanks for sharing your experience with us…:)
goodparenting.co.in
Michelle (beartwinsmom) // Feb 7, 2008 at 10:17 am
I’d like to have Stu’s magic wand, too.
I’m a lousy housekeeper, too, Megin. Most days I’m staring at a laundry mountain aka Mt. Washmore and it never seems to get smaller. I could probably write my Master’s thesis in the dust on my bookshelves.
I sometimes wondering about being a good mom. I need that validation and it’s not coming at me.
Good post… gives me a lot to think about.
Megin Hatch // Feb 9, 2008 at 12:09 pm
ITFL- I want to hear more about that- about how it drives you- upcoming post perhaps?
Stu- I like the idea of your wand too. Thing is I might just want to make myself better at it. I think it’s a scheduling thing.
Pooja- thanks.
Michelle- I hear you with the dust. I hate it. I’m pretty sure everyone wonders about being a good Mom. No one is all of the time. I think the act of thinking about it- wondering and picking it apart makes us better- don’t you?
andi // Feb 10, 2008 at 10:44 pm
Ugh. Housework. Most days I feel like it is eating me alive. My house is generally tidy, but I don’t think it’s really clean. I always think (and I know it’s totally cliche, but true nonetheless) that the children will never remember if the house was messy. And on my death bed I will not regret having done so little housework.
Oh, and thanks for popping by my blog.
kimya // Feb 18, 2008 at 1:00 am
i don’t think i will ever not be a complete slob.
Amy VanHuisen // Feb 26, 2008 at 8:19 am
Megin, I found my way here through your comments on Jon S.’s blog. This post really touched my heart with a helpful, hopeful note. (I too am a SAHM, homeschooling our last child at home through his remaining years of high school.)
Megin Hatch // Feb 26, 2008 at 9:04 am
Amy: Thank You. Very Much. So it doesn’t get much easier, eh?
Kimno- remembering our dorm room makes me throw up a little.
Dawn // Feb 27, 2008 at 6:39 pm
I’m so glad to read this and all the comments. I struggle hourly with picking up after my little ones. Megin you are so right that when my house is clean, I am much calmer and nicer. I need to remember though that my job at home is not to worry about making it nice for visitors but make our home nice for my children….more play, less cleaning.
JHS // Mar 2, 2008 at 7:18 pm
Thanks for participating in this week’s Carnival of Family Life, hosted at Discussing Autism. The Carnival will be live tomorrow, so stop by and enjoy some of the other many articles contributed this week!
Interesting in hosting? Check out the schedule at Colloquium and let me know which week interests you!
JHS
Colloquium
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