I’m an only child. My mother was an only child, as was her mother before her.
I didn’t think about it a whole lot when I was growing up, it’s just the way it was. I wasn’t spoiled, or, lonely or any of the other only child stereotypes, but, it did make me realize that I wanted more than one child, if, for no other reason, so that people at college wouldn’t make fun of them on Family Weekend. (”Hey, is your family member coming this weekend?”)
But, for all my only child non-eventfulness, I am left with one side effect: I have no frame of reference regarding sibling issues, and, sometimes, I’m not much use when they are having problems with each other.
Come to think of it, I probably model my advice to them on some 80s sitcom with kids. “WWCHD?” is my mantra (What Would Claire Huxtable Do?).
Oh, sure, I can discipline, and, all those other parent-y things, but, I have no clue in the world what it’s like to share your parents with someone else. I’ve never been on the receiving end of a little kid getting into my room and taking things, and, I’ve never had to wake up day after day realizing there’s some other kid in my house.
There are times when my kids argue, and, I’m just stumped. Fighting? Arguing? Never learned it very well, as there was no one to do it with, and, I think to myself, “Beats me”, when an indignant someone asks what I’m going to do about someone else.
I guess if you have brothers and sisters, you’re used to it, and, don’t spend a lot of time contemplating it, but, I often look at my children and try to imagine how they are affected by each other.
Would my middle child be different if he didn’t have a big sister with such a powerful personality? Would my youngest still enjoy the things he enjoys now if he didn’t have an older brother and sister? Will my oldest end up with all the responsibility for caring for us in our old age because she’s the oldest, and, the only girl?
I think it’s interesting that my children have these relationships and experiences that I know nothing about. They older ones don’t think it’s so interesting when I am slow to get the 4 year-old out of the way because, “he’s bothering us!”.
Though being an only child was quite fine, I am glad I have 3 kids who have each other, even if I can’t quite put my finger on why.
[tags]parenting, kids, siblings, only child, discipline, strategies, relationships[/tags]
Photo graciously provided by gagah
3 responses so far ↓
Slouching Mom // Apr 12, 2007 at 9:06 am
I’m not sure it’s any easier to negotiate your own kids’ sibling rivalries even when you’ve experienced them yourself.
Just because I know WHY my kids are screaming and shrieking at each other doesn’t lead me to a. sympathy for their plight; or b. wisdom about how to stop them from killing each other.
But you’re right — I think later they WILL be glad they have each other. My brother and I were at each other’s throats, and now, dare I say, we are actually pretty close. Although he’d best not come at me with scissors to try to trim my eyelashes. He already tried that. It’s a good thing I can see.
Karen is Thrifty // Apr 13, 2007 at 9:08 pm
My brother and I were 3 years apart and we fought all the time, usually because he was mean and aggressive towards me. My children are 2 years apart and are great friends. Although it is really difficult to have children close in age, I think it is very beneficial. They share a lot of the same interests and they play well together. There is more of a friendship and less rivalry.
As an educator, I do see a great benefit from having more than one child. I have taught many only children. I know that not all only children fit the stereotype, but so many of them do and it seems they will drive you crazy calling your name, not waiting their turn, arguing with others, behaving in a demanding way, etc.
I don’t think anyone has the perfect answer on how to handle sibling rivalry. I’m puzzled myself. I guess you just do what feels right, works for your family, and that helps teach the others to respect one another.
barbex // Apr 20, 2007 at 12:29 am
Oh I am sooo with you, I’m an only child and most of the time the mechanics between my two kids are completly alien to me!
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