Grasshopper New Media Presents...

I’ve always enjoyed Thanksgiving Day - a day filled with delicious food and good company, and a nice parade on TV. Growing up, however, I never connected the day with being thankful.

Yes, we did the typical going-round-the-table and sharing-one-thing-for-which-we-were-thankful thing. But it never really felt like I was being thankful. I always disliked coming up with something to share with everybody else because I thought:

it was just a hokey thing to do (although I didn’t actually use the word hokey as a kid - still rarely do )

After meeting my husband, then marrying him, I had “good” things, socially acceptable things, for which to be thankful. After having my kids, I had much more to add to my list. Still, those were the typical “things for which to be thankful”. It didn’t feel real.

Then a few years ago, I heard about being grateful, creating an “attitude of gratitude”. Being grateful for something felt different than being “Thanksgiving-thankful”. Not something I was forced to do, and not something I had to share with others. I could be grateful for anything which made me happy, which made me feel good.

Suddenly I remembered the attitude of gratitude I had as a child. Every night before falling asleep, I would thank God for everything that made me happy about the day - including the green grass and the boy who lived in my complex being nice to me (we sometimes fought - even physically, once). Little, silly things that most people didn’t seem to notice, or at least talk about.

So I started that ritual again, trying to think of at least five things from the day for which I was grateful. At first it was hard - kind of forced and feeling like the Thanksgiving Day ritual. But then I started thinking of the simple things - the sun shining, my baby’s smile (even if it was at that shadow in the corner ;)), making a perfect cup of tea. By the time I fell asleep, I would be feeling pretty good about what a great day it had been.

And now I’m sharing the ritual with my kids. As they’re falling asleep, I like to talk to them about the good things that happened to them that day. Sometimes their good things aren’t the things I would have thought of. Sometimes they get reminded of the bad things, and get stuck there, despite my “help” to get them unstuck. Sometimes they just want to think about something else. But I’m getting them started.

A great book we recently found on this topic is The Secret of Saying Thanks by Douglas Wood. The School Library Journal explained it in their review:

A quiet, reflective piece on the importance of a grateful attitude. With a light hand, Wood shares the idea that there is “a secret [in life], one of the happiest ones of all”. Readers may discover it as the sun welcomes a new day, or maybe it will come when they really notice a flower and its fragrance for the first time. Maybe just some cool shade on a hot day or hearing a bird sing will lead them to say, “Thank you”. There is much to be grateful for: the stars, the moon aglow at night, lakes and rivers, ponds or puddles, family and people we love. Each spread is a reminder of the wonders around us. “The heart that gives thanks is a happy one….We don’t give thanks because we’re happy. We are happy because we give thanks.” This is a pleasing story for times of contemplation. It is not heavy-handed or preachy, and should appeal across cultures or religions. While it has a definite spiritual tone, it does not promote a singular point of view. Shed’s oil illustrations of a young girl and her golden retriever noticing the world around them appear as though they are being viewed through a gauzy shade. The effect plays well with the peaceful nature of the text. This title could be used anywhere books with “values” lessons are in demand.–Roxanne Burg, Orange County Public Library, CA

I really enjoy the idea that it shares, and that the review above points out: “We don’t give thanks because we are happy. We are happy because we give thanks.” Many people think it’s the other way around, that they’ll give thanks when they are happy, when they get the things they want (which they think is what they need to be happy). We need to teach our children that by being grateful for what they have, they will draw more things for which to be grateful into their lives. I’ve heard this explained as Be-Do-Have:

First you “be” the thing called “happy” (or “knowing,” or “wise,” or “compassionate,” or whatever), then you start “doing” things from this place of beingness — and soon you discover that what you are doing winds up bringing you the things you’ve always wanted to “have.”

And we need to teach them that being grateful, being thankful, is an attitude, a behavior, that’s not just for one day or one season, but for all year round.

[tags]The Secret of Saying Thanks, Douglas Wood, Thanksgiving, attitude of gratitude, Be-Do-Have, grateful, parenting [/tags]
Photo courtesy of warryronin via flickr, used under a Creative Commons License.