“Fathers-to-be in some parts of Scotland are finding themselves persona non grata at their partner’s first meeting with the midwife. Expectant mothers in the north east of Edinburgh are being asked to come to their first midwife meeting on their own, in an attempt to question women on issues of domestic abuse.”
Please read the full article here.
I live in Edinburgh, and although I’m not sure of the catchment I may well be within the area where this new rule will be enforced.
I really can’t decide if this is a good thing or not. My husband was at most of my check-ups (where work commitments allowed). I felt as if we were doing it as a team, his presence was relaxing and reassuring. I don’t like the idea that, if the stork delivers another, my husband (and father-to-be) will not be welcome at the first midwife appointment.
Having said that, there are women out there that are not as fortunate as myself. They will see this private, women-only time as a lifeline, a chance to cry out for help. If that saves even one women, and her unborn baby, from domestic abuse, is it really such a high price?
I’d like to hear as many view points on this as possible, so jump right in.
Photo courtesy of spamily, used under a Creative Commons License.
[tags]midwife, first visit, domestic abuse, husbands, fathers, law[/tags]
4 responses so far ↓
Jared // Feb 15, 2007 at 4:23 am
I think it’s a fairly alarmist reason to bar men from such an important appointment. It punishes all men for the actions of few. Would an abusive husband even want to be there in the first place?
It also prevents an objective third party from viewing the abusive situation, if there is one. Even if the man is absent, it’s no guarantee that the woman will say anything. It’s better for the staff to be on alert for signs of abuse in their clients.
Are there no other ways for women to get help?
t-bird // Feb 15, 2007 at 11:13 am
“Would an abusive husband even want to be there in the first place?”
Yes if it meant he could make sure nothing was said that might stop his fun.
“It also prevents an objective third party from viewing the abusive situation,”
Most midwives aren’t trained to spot the more subtle signs of abuse so unless there were obvious fist marks or he was overtly threatening infront of the midwife it’s unlikely that it would be picked up.
“Even if the man is absent, it’s no guarantee that the woman will say anything”
True but then woman to woman there may be something said that would alert the midwife even if it wasn’t as blatent as saying that the man is abusing her (perhaps “oh no, he wouldn’t allow me to do….” or something)
“Are there no other ways for women to get help?”
yes, assuming that the woman has money for the bus/taxi to go for help or has a working phoneline in the house to call for it.
My DH didn’t attend any of the midwife checks, they were during work hours for which I got “free time off” (legal requirement in teh UK) whereas he would have had to use up his leave and hence have non for when the babe arrived. Neither was he there for any of the post natal checks once I was home. I don’t think it particularly affected him or the way he bonded with Aprilia once she arrived and it did give the MW chance to chat about how things were going in a more uninhibited way. And no, he’s not abusive (just bone idle which felt pretty damned abusive when I was home post c-section and unable to do anything)
Jared // Feb 15, 2007 at 1:56 pm
Exactly, they aren’t trained: they should be.
Men are now banned, and they know the reason why. If abusive partners needed yet another excuse to scare women into keeping their mouths shut, they’ve certainly been given one.
Could this also possibly encourage abusive men to prevent their partners from visiting a midwife in the first place? I don’t know about Scotland’s healthcare, but it’s certainly possible in the States.
Stu Mark // Feb 15, 2007 at 10:03 pm
As a husband, I applaud this law. There should be far more avenues to protect women and to provide escape. We have plenty of places in America to take an unwanted newborn, but far, far fewer places to take secure shelter from an abusive husband.
I don’t live in the UK, but it didn’t take long to find these statistics:
1 in 4 women may experience violence in their relationships with men (Women’s Aid Federation [England] report, 1992)
Severe, repeated and systematic violence occurs in at least 5 of every hundred marriages in Britain.
Between 40 and 45% of murdered women are killed by thir male partners.
Between 1 and 2 women are murdered by their male partners every week.
More than 25% of all violent crime reported to the police is domestic violence of men against women, making it the second most common violent crime.
And there are more stats than that, but you get the idea. Until those numbers really start to come down, all goodly-hearted citizens need to do whatever’s possible to support the rights of a peaceful existence to all women. And if that means that a husband misses out on the first visit to the midwife, well hey, my wife missed out on a few of our kids’ school plays (which I attended), so we’re even.
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